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A Skee-Phi Wedding: Brother Ryan and Soror Allison
Brother Ryan Gilbreath is a Spring 2009 initiate of the Beta Gamma Chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity at Virginia State University and a current member of Nu Lambda, the alumni chapter of Petersburg, Virginia. His bride, Allison, came to Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority via the Sigma Omicron Chapter at Virginia Wesleyan University. Their wedding took place on May 25, 2014 at the Founders Inn and Spa in Virginia Beach. Below the jump, Brother Gilbreath talks about Alpha’s role in his wedding, his family, and in his life.
The brotherhood that I have with my frat brothers is amazing. All of my groomsmen were Alphas and I regard them as actual “brothers” and not just members.
I am [the only Alpha in my family]. My dad is a Sigma from Alabama A&M who pledged back in the 80s. Me and my dad joke around about that all the time. But I told him that when I was looking at fraternities, Alpha really connected with me. I want to pass down my legacy to my son one day, but I will always respect his choices because at the end of the day, it’s his choice.
I loved my college experience after crossing; nothing like it! There is such a legacy that you have to uphold and you learn that it’s not about you but more about the fraternity. People look at you as a leader when you cross Alpha.
Alpha for me has always and will always be a pivotal area in my life. Alpha has taught me resilience and perseverance when it comes to life’s ups and downs. To always do what is right and to never give up; be a servant to all and to teach and uplift our communities.
Transferring to Nu Lambda [the alumni chapter in Petersburg, Virginia] for me was like coming home in a sense. The chapter has a mix of older and younger brothers and I gained great wisdom from both sides. I learned how to be an Alpha man even more, if you know what I mean.
For a wedding reception, Beta Gamma is known to put on a show! We performed a step from our 2009 neophyte show show and a party hop we learned from our big brothers. Five years later and we still had the show down pat. It’s still ingrained in me to this day.
I really wanted to incorporate the hymn with me and my wife in the middle. It was a very touching moment for us both and my wife teared up while I joined my bros. There is nothing like it. Our Greek roots (for me and my wife, who is an AKA) are part of our story. Also, if you did not notice from the video [below], our wedding colors were salmon pink and old gold!
My brothers have been there for me and I have been there for them. It’s deeper than the letters and the parties. I regard them as family.
I will never forget that wedding experience for the rest of my life!
Ryan + Allison | Founder’s Inn, VA Wedding Videographer | Delta Studio Productions | Virginia Wedding & Corporate Videographers from Delta Studio Productions on Vimeo.
Fraternal Friday: You want to put that hot sauce where?
Last week, the Alphas at University of Tennessee were kicked off campus until 2016 for some pretty ill allegations. Here are the receipts for those of you (like me) who need the salacious details like to understand how disciplinary investigations work.
To be honest, I don’t want to talk about what my brothers are accused of specifically. When these stories get out, it becomes all-too-easy to play pile-on with not only the undergrads, but the entire generation.
OMG THEY NEED TO STOP ALL THIS HAZING
OMG THIS WHOLE GENERATION IS KILLING THE FRAT
OMG THEY MAKIN UP NEW SHIT NOW! WE NEEEEEVER DID THAT
OMGWTFBBQ
So here’s the thing…. I will be 35 years old on June 25. I am not a young man. The practice of putting hot sauce on your privates as a stage in the pledge process is not new. I first heard about it as an undergraduate which was over 15 years ago now. There is a name for the practice and there is a reason for the practice. It’s not a mindless thing that somebody made up out of the blue.
It is, however, very reckless and unnecessary for the training of potential members into a fraternity. So if you’re reading this and you’re doing this to your pledges, please stop. And if you’re not, don’t start.
But again, this practice existed fifteen years ago. It bothers me when older fraternity members don’t think critically about how culture works. Just because you didn’t do it doesn’t mean it wasn’t going on. “The Process” has never been one monolithic experience. When it comes to unofficial, underground pledge processes, they vary from totally hands-off pledging experiences which are uplifting and educational, to cruel and meaningless hazing practices and probate show practice.
Most fall somewhere in the middle.
I believe that most undergraduates who participate in underground processes are well-meaning young men and women who yearn for a deep connection to…something. Maybe it’s to the ancestors, or to ideals, or just to a legacy they can be part of. We (collectively) hype fraternity and sorority membership to be a transformative experience. And for decades, “The Process” was the catalyst for the transformation.
But as “The Process” changed and laws against hazing changed, the official intake processes had to change as well, forcing deeper underground the already illegal practices that chapters were engaging in.
Let’s be clear: there has always been an “underground” even when pledging was “above-ground.” Every chapter had its own traditions and practices. Everyone wasn’t putting hot sauce on genitals, but some people were getting peanut butter perms while others were getting shot in the face with water guns.
And men and women endured because the benefits to joining a BGLO are real and tangible, and for many, it was worthwhile socially and professionally.
But that’s really outside my overall point, which is that undergrads are being vilified nationally because they are being caught engaging in practices which are often as old as the chapters themselves. Something about that doesn’t sit right with me.
Maybe it’s because my brothers and sisters haven’t accepted that there is no singular underground process with a syllabus, objectives, standards, and reading list.
When you go underground, that is a local decision. You do it because you want to be transformed. When the mask comes off at the probate show, you want to have earned that new name. I get that.
But I wish they didn’t feel that way. And I wish the chapter members (and alumni) giving them the underground process didn’t feel as though they had to. This is a generational curse that perhaps no amount of revamping of the official process can solve.
I do know that vilifying an entire generation of those who have chosen to be hazed won’t solve anything and won’t mend any rifts between the young and old. It’s going to take a lot of compassion and listening to solve this complex problem.
Fraternal Friday: When it comes to probates, know when to fold ’em.
Today, the AKAs are coming out at Howard, as are the Ques, and probably a bunch of other folks. I will be 35 this year — gone are my days of showing up on Howard’s campus just to see probate shows. It’s a little unseemly to show up for a show to see some guys and girls you don’t know, even if one is an enthusiast of such things.
However, I do anticipate the many Instagram photos and YouTube videos which are sure to fill my newsfeeds in a few hours. Special shout out to Calilivin09, a former Howard student who did a really good job at documenting all the probate shows/neophyte shows for their entire time there. We underestimate the importance of documentation of these events, and thanks to the amateur documentarians, we can look, remember, compare, and smile.
The bad thing about YouTube is that for all the great neo shows that we’ve seen, we’ve also seen some pretty bad ones, haven’t we? The point of my post is not to clown the worst probate shows ever, but to give all of you in Greekdom just a few tips that can prevent you from having a bad coming out show.
Believe it or not, you don’t have to have a probate show. (Yes, I know they are called New Member Presentations now, but I’m still calling it a Probate.)
Yes, yes, I know on your campus everybody probates. And I’m sure you’re thinking if your chapter doesn’t probate, you will be seen as wack, cat, skaters, etc.
Who cares? The fact is your boys or your girls just might not be ready to present a perfect show in enough time. You might not have enough talented step masters in your chapter to teach them. Or maybe, just maybe, your organization has too many restrictive rules on probates to make it worthwhile.
You don’t have to explain to the public why you’re not having a probate. At the end of the day, never put out less than high quality when it comes to presenting your new members. If you can’t have an A+ probate, have an A+ alternative.
Ever been to a Cotillion? No, I’m not saying have a cotillion instead of a probate. But take the basic idea of introducing new members one by one in a formal way to the community and apply it to an event which would work on your campus.
Have a reception or a tea. Get a multipurpose room on campus, have some nice food, dress up, and introduce your new people. I bet your administrators and grad chapter would approve.
Looking for something less formal? Have a crossing party and introduce the new members by letting them stroll into the party. All you have to do is teach them one stroll.
Wanting to introduce your new members to the campus is valid, and your new members will certainly want to be introduced. But please ma’am, and please, sir, know your limitations. Where it’s time or talent or even challenges of finding flattering identical attire, know that a terrible probate will spell a terrible year.
A few years ago, a sorority I’m acquainted with had so many restrictions on probates that all they could really do was have an all-chapter step show. The entire chapter dressed alike, marched out, stepped, introduced themselves one by one, stepped some more, and strolled out. It was not only a debut for the new members, but a farewell for the seniors.
If restrictions are a problem, there are alternatives.
This is not a probate:
Nor is this a probate:
And this is not a probate:
Happy probate season, everyone!